the shores of Alabama

Not only does Alabama have outlet stores, the circus, and Waffle House; there are also beautiful shores!

This weekend I ventured out to the beach. Well, through the front lobby and down some stairs to the beach, anyway. The sand here is perfectly white and very fine. It’s like powder attached to ocean. Someone told me they brought tons of sand in after the oil spill.

Other than the washed up algae and the bed of ocean life underfoot, it is comparable to Hawaii.

Except for one small fact…. jellyfish. Oh, HI has jellies, but nowhere near the population here in the G.O.M. Gulf of Mexico.

As in, jellyfish in the water, jellyfish washed ashore, jellyfish in the pool! (That last part may have been fabricated…)

We saw several in the water here and at least 3 dead on shore. They look like a pile of clear jelly, you can’t really see their tentacles when they are all dead and not moving though. I had to poke one with a stick just to see if there would be any afterlife tentacle reaction. There was none, thankfully. I was a little disappointed, but happy I didn’t need anyone to pee on me. Not at all like that centipede we cut into 6 pieces in Hawaii. Talk about hardy.

Now, I like to think I’m not a complainer..but truth be told…I could very well be a self aware complainaholic. But when I go to the beach I am not exactly in the mindset to do battle with various sea creatures. Plus, I don’t carry weapons or anti-jellyfish poison on me…beach or otherwise. I’m more of a let’s-go-to-the-beach-and-relax kinda gal. Call me crazy.

Due to the overabundance of dead and alive jellyfish, we decided to migrate up to the hotel pool to better suit our floating lazily and sunbathing swimming needs.

So, we ended up by the pool…..to which we found what must have been the “class of 2007” reunion splashing around and drinking in the pool…with a volleyball…sans vollyball net…plus small children. I’m not a parent, nor do I possess maternal instincts, but I do know that if I had midgets of my own in there trying to enjoy a nice Saturday afternoon in the pool, I would be a tad piossed. Luckily, the parentals nearby were men and didn’t make any kind of scene, they merely pulled their little ones closer into the shallower section and minded their own water business. Hmm, the locals are polite here in Bama, I like.

I don’t know, call me old-fashioned, but if you are going to be drunk at noon and play volleyball in a 3 ft pool with a nonexistent net, at least wait till dark when there are no kids??

WTF Weds: Ed 023 Hosed.

So, guess who got their phone bill in the mail today.

Me.

Guess who got a 126 page phone bill today.

Me again.

Guess who had a minor panic attack followed by heart palpitations….

This guy.

Check this bogus shit out:

Yep, this really happened. In real life. Not kidding this time.

This is an actual document mailed to me by my dear friends at T-Mobile. How nice of them to send me a 126-page detailed list of every single incoming and outgoing text and phone call for the last month. Which, is a lot of fucking texts, btw. During my panic attack I realized I may have a slight texting obsession. All in good fun, until I saw my bill.

Okay, so I needed to get to the bottom of this shit. I headed over to T-Mobile immediately. Like that minute, with my 126 page stink bomb in hand.

I walked in there, in uniform, official like, and had the “Oh yeah, I’m pissed!” strut down pat. I got to the counter and threw the stack of paper at the attendant (Okay, maybe not that dramatically…but it’s good for the story) and he kind of looked at me wide-eyed while my novelette of a bill papers settled on the table. To which he said, “How may I help you?”.

I got myself in order and told him the happenings of said 126-page bill and the nearly a grand’s worth of charges on my account, when I was positive my plan alloted for unlimited calling, texting, and data usage, as it had been for the last seven years. And I’m sure he knew I was on the verge of a heart attack because of the rate at which I was speaking and the sweat on my brow. Thankfully that day I got a very even-keeled sales representative who calmly stated he would look at my account and see what was going on.

He peered into the magical grey box of goodness into my T-Mobile history and started reading off a “Disclaimer” the company had put on my account as a “side note”. It read something like this: “We apologize for the mistake in billing on your account. Adjustments have been made.”  That’s it? The sales guy just looked back at me in mutual confusement when I offered him a bewildered glare. Sooo the computer made a mistake and packaged together this encyclopedia-thick bill, placed it in a neat envelope and mailed it to my home?

I’m thinking to myself…why was nothing sent in the mail after-the-fact, when the problem was recognized, in regards to this oversight?? Why did no one call me?? Ugh, If I wasn’t too cheap to pay the get-out-of-my-contract fee, I would just say forget you, T-Mobile! But their rates are the best out there for what I want. And although I HATE my phone (Anyone considering the Sidekick 4G, please do not put yourself through the pain and agony of owning this device. It’s a daily struggle.)

So, long story short my bills have been settled, and no one owes anyone $1000.

Crisis averted.

The Hamptons

This week I will move to the Hamptons.

Okay, not the actual Hamptons, though I have always felt the urge to visit, just once. Ever since I saw White Chicks, I’ve wanted to visit. That is in the far distant future. And first I need to acquire an offensively large floppy beach hat and some very expensive nonsense jewelry that is too big for my neck and fingers.

I will be relocating to the Hampton Inn & Suites on a beach near you! Okay, well a beach near Pensacola.

I am overjoyed to finally be nearing the end of my studies here in Florida, so I figure for my last month-ish I will live a little closer to the ocean. Like, pretty much in the ocean.

There is a fitness center with ocean views, a tiki bar, and a pool for those sand-haters.

I think the place will be quite relaxing. I guess they have just recently opened, so it is a brand new facility. The only problem now is moving. I have so much stuff. I seriously have no idea how I got here in only two suitcases. Maybe it’s just stuff I’ve got to eat? I’m not sure. But I will pack well and stuff everything into my car one more time.

I’m really wondering how it will be taking my car across country this fall. I have to drive from FL to CA to my duty station. On the way will be MO to see the fam and CO to see my friend, then pressing onto CA. Luckily I have a bit of music to keep me company and I’m sure I will be able to get some sour straws, diet dr. p, and my pillow pet to get me through the trip. Road trips are fun!

Unbelievable

I’m sure everyone has heard about the helo crash in Afghanistan that happened on the 6th.

If you haven’t, the story is below:

http://www.armytimes.com/news/2011/08/military-some-troops-killed-in-helo-crash-identified-080811/

There are really no words to describe how tragic and unbelievable this is.

I was stationed with one of the men who died in the crash, and I remember him as being a great guy who could walk into any room and light it up. And I know people say that all the time about their friends and loved ones, but this guy really could. He had a thick accent, Philadelphia to be exact, and a crazy sense of humor and always knew how to make you smile and have a good time. And on top of that he was kind, honest, and dedicated to his job.

I knew he was doing something with the SEALS, but didn’t know exactly where or what he was doing because of the whole secrecy/liability thing. So when I heard about what happened, I immediately got a pit in my stomach. There were several men killed, and I had a feeling someone I knew was among them. It’s a feeling you can’t really describe. But it wasn’t a good thing I knew that. When I logged onto facebook I saw my friend’s pages and their statuses implied Mike had been one of them.

Immediately I felt sick. I understand a lot of soldiers, civilians, loved ones, friends, etc have given their lives during this war (and many others), but you never expect someone you know to be one of them. Not that it makes it meaningless when you don’t know those that have died, but when you actually served with someone and were friends with them, it changes everything. It makes you angry, sad, vengeful, sick, and bewildered all at once.

The news says he was recently engaged and had just bought a house. And now the dreams are over. Families, friends, everyone is left behind wondering why. Why do these awful terrible things have to happen to such good people. Such honorable, strong, courageous people.

Most of us just want this war to be over. And they keep putting dates out as to when we will be fully turned over and out of there. But can you really put a date/timeline on this sort of thing? Naturally we would love for our people to be home. Those that we have a life with, those we are friends with, those we have served with, but we will be done when we are done. All we can do is fight this war, and do the best that we can using the resources we have.

Personally I would like to take the whole fucking place out. What good comes from it? If there was a way to get all of the innocent civilians out of the theater and then bomb it to hell, that would be a perfect solution. But we all know this is not possible.

I wasn’t best friends with Mike, or even close friends, but I do know that he was one of a kind, he loved his country, he loved his fiance, he loved his family, and it is a shame he was taken. People say there is a reason for everything, but I’m not seeing the light at the end of the tunnel for this one. Mike was taken too early. His job in life and the military were not done.

I know he would want us to all move on with our lives and do what makes us happy, and he would tell his family that everything would be okay, because he was just that kind of guy, but for right now this whole thing is making me realize life is so precious.

WTF Weds: Ed 022 One big oops…

Talk about awkward.

So, I received quite a lengthy email from a woman I met online. We have been talking for about a couple weeks now, and she’s moving out here to meet me and start over her life. She’s a real winner, on her own level of special.

Only, I’m not the one she meant to email….talk about one MAJOR type-o, how did she even get my email, I have no idea. But her drama novel ended up in my inbox of all inboxes. Bad news for this lady is that I’m an avid blogger and I’m about to share this all with you. I will not tell you her exact name, but let’s just say she has three first names, so she was clearly cursed from birth.

Here are some paraphrases of the 1292-word email (yes, I threw it into Word to see just how long it was).

“So I am going to be moving near you and don’t know anybody, can you show me around, help me find a job? I’m gonna need your cell phone number also. P.S. I’m recently single too so u can take me out and show me some real fun *wink wink*. I am so happy we met online, I’m hoping you don’t have a gf, I’m not a big fan of drama and stuff like that so just tell me if u do.”

“Are you free Friday to help me move some boxes and stuff? I hope so : ) since I won’t know anyone maybe could you introduce me to some of your friends? Are they nice? I’m a cool with girls and guys lol …guess u could say I am bisexual but whatever what girl isn’t these days…”

“Back to YOU mister… remind me what you do for work. For fun? What are your hobbies and what do you like sexually? As I mentioned I recently broke up with my ex….it was too much drama and my friends and family hate him. He had no job and was disrespectful, also lousy in bed. I like foreplay and he always just wanted to go right to sex…  Anyways so I feel free again now that I am single, but I do kinda miss having that special someone to cuddle with, ya know?”

“I bet you are wondering why I am moving. I am broke, and I need to go back to school. So this is my fresh start. I owe 8k on my visa ewwwww. Also I am helping to pay off my sister’s tuition fees. Do you know any good hookups to find me a job? I would LOVE to be a bartender or something like that where I can make tips. I am SUPER friendly. I love star movies, I am a total freak in bed, I am up for just about ANYTHING sexually. Seriously : )”

“My current job, please don’t look down on me, and accept me for who I am. I do this webcam thing where I basically get paid to chat to people on cam and tease around a bit. I know it’s not the most moral job out there, but I am desperate for money and I like talking to people and I am dirty minded so it’s the best of both worlds, and I get paid for it hehe.”

Also, to add to the clusterfuck, the entire email was ONE run-on sentence with misspelled words, missing punctuation, etc. I could not stand re-typing the bazillion errors, so most of them are gone…. It was a nightmare of an email to say the least…

Needy? CHECK

Slutty? CHECK

Unstable? CHECK

hmm sounds like a real win piece if you ask me.