WTF Weds: Ed 008 Busted

24 02 2011

So. I have finally reached my breaking point.

In the past few weeks I have fallen off the deep end…with the whole gym thing. I used to be in a routine: 3-4 days a week = gym time. Religiously. I had a weights routine and a cardio routine and I got shiiiiit done. Aaaaand then I kind of stopped caring….you skip a day here, skip a day there, and then you just quit altogether.

And I started eating really unhealthily. Why? I don’t know…I just eat whats around me…and what is quick is not good for you. PLUS, the damn deli shut down and it’s now a Bagel Factory. Bagels? Not so good for you. Did you know that one bagel is worth FOUR servings of grains? FOUR SERVINGS. WTF is right. I’ve tried the new sammich place, but it’s just not the same, and it’s WAY expensive. I got a sandwich and soup the other day. Ten dollars. huh? Plus the soup was salty as fuck and I had heartburn for three days afterwards.

Also, I’ve been eating out more than normal….which I can also blame from being lazy. I don’t like cooking can’t ever find the right recipes. Plus when you’re at work for two meals it just adds to the madness.

Over the past couple weeks my pants have been getting a liiiiittle bit tighter. You know you have those skinny jeans, or those jeans you wear when you are down a couple pounds. Well those are not fitting. At all. AND the top button of my cami pants POPPED off! Literally. I was sitting at my desk at work. Stood up, and whuuuup dropppp there goes my button. W T F. If that isn’t a fucking wakeup call I don’t know what is.

Anywho, I’m starting to eat healthier again..less sweets and bad shit…more good healthy shit. I’ve just got such a damn sweet tooth! I have the next two days off, going to get back into the swing of things.
Has anyone tried the “Insanity” workout? Mista B tried it and lost THIRTY pounds. Sounds pretty intense. Problem is I”m taking two weeks of leave in March, and I intend to live it up while I’m free. =) I will have to incorporate some leafy greenies to counter-balance all the wienerschnitzels (chuckle chuckle).

I’m going to eat a grapefruit now. That’s one thing they do have here that is yummy.

Shift to my recent United States of Tara obsession.

Kate: “Wait, why does Mrs. Butterworth need to be black? Aunt Jamima too. That’s some fucked up racist pancake shit.”

Brother: “Mrs. Butterworth isn’t black. She’s just filled with syrup. Technically she’s clear.”

Kate: “Ah, she’s a clear-casian.”

Brother: “Do you think Aunt Jamima and Uncle Ben are married?”

Kate: “No, Aunt Jamima is married to Uncle Jamima”

I’m gonna go wake up Mista B now. Wish me luck, I hope I don’t get punched in the face!



22 02 2011

To: America. Or WORLD shall I say.

What is the big deal about pirates? I remember when I was a kid and we would play like we were pirates, and it was fun to dress up like a pirate, have pirate themed birthday parties with jolly roger napkins, and fake peg legs. The flag is pretty cool I guess. Black, with a skull, pretty BA right? We have several movies about pirates, to include the “Pirates of the Caribbean” trilogy (soon to be quadrogy). Looks pretty fun to be a pirate, make your own rules, do whatever you want, steal from the poor and unsuspecting.

But why ARE we so obsessed with pirates? Who was it that decided to glamorize piracy?

They are not cool. The lifestyle is not glamorous, or legal, or admirable. They don’t steal from merchant vessels and give to the poor. They steal from innocent people who want nothing to do with piracy or crime and they keep the money for themselves, to fund future piracy missions. This is happening all over the world.

Here, I’ll give you an example of how “hip” and glamorous pirates are:

You gonna dress your kids up as pirates for Halloween this year? Not me.

Okie Dokie

21 02 2011

Word of the day: deceived.

All my life. I have been living a lie.

(Sister, beware if you are reading further)

So, today I find out that my family history been sadly misrepresented, I thought my whole family originated in Missouri. Nope.

During a random Mom email, she casually mentions that she was born in Oklahoma…ahem..WHAT? We were originally talking about country music and Mista B’s origins….and then all of a sudden, she drops this bomb. I guess when Gpa Claude was in the Army, him and Gma Corky were living in OK at Fort Sill. Thus, the momala was birthed in Okie. And it cost a whopping $7. The better story here is that she was named after a monkey from a zoo. Pretty awesome.

I’m still a bit upset about …my ancestrial beginnings…I feel lost…and decieved….and sad…..

Or maybe it’s all a sign? Mista B from OK….Mom was born in OK…coincidence?

Just a typical Saturday

19 02 2011

US Embassy has declared Americans are not allowed to leave their flats here in the Kingdom. The riots are getting bad I guess…nothing affecting Americans, the base, or the Navy but there sure is some fluttering on FB and youtube about it. Luckily I do not live close enough to the Grand Mosque or the Diplomat to see/hear any of the riots. We are generally safe, and so are the dependants out here. No use to worry yet, but we were instructed to have a “fly away” bag in case shit gets bananas. And when I say bananas I mean life-threatening, bullets flying, and blood spillage.

On a lighter note, I’m watching the Golden Globes ….a few months late. Carson Daly is one of the interviewers…hasn’t he been around for like, 20 years? He’s looking quite slim and dapper actually. This show is a bit drab really. I have seen some of the shows and movies they speak of….Black Swan, Alice in Wonderland, Modern Family, Glee and such but some of the othern’s I had never even heard of. Either I need to broaden my horizon or these are just some shitty shows. There is a new show on HBO that I would like to check out. Something Boardwalk. It has Steve Bushchemi (sp??) in it. What movies has he actually had a leading role in anyway? The only movie I can think of him being in is Armageddon…but he is a good actor, so I’ll have to catch up on it when I get back to America. The Golden Globes is kinda boring…there aren’t any performances or anything like the VMAs. Man, was THAT entertaining. The only mildly humorous thing was Ricky Gervais being the host and Eva Longoria almost tripping.

Got our travel documents in the mail yesterday. Printed and read! Thank you very much. Who knew traveling was such a big deal. I mean, 20 pages of reading? I’ve never spent so much time reading about an expedition. I think they try to over prepare and advise for those who have never stepped outside of their small midwestern towns. Ah well, better to over prepare than under prepare…

Mista B has awoken from his slumber. We are watching The Tourist, which I heard got terrible reviews. I’m very happy I did not spend monies on this to see it on the big screen. Very hard to believe that Johnny Depp is an unknowing innocent 5th grade teacher named Frank. Very hard to get behind. It’s a bit slow moving…and not really much of a storyline.

Speaking of Frank. We’re going to order some Franks a Lot now.

HAGO world!

Grampy Freeman

18 02 2011

I just saw a commercial with Morgan Freeman’s voice in it. It’s soo calming. He just sounds so sweet like he wouldn’t hurt a fly. I love him! I think we can all agree that we feel like we are connected to his soul in one way or another. Personally, I think I was related to him in another life. Like my ALT life (If you’ve seen the O.C.). Okay okay, that’s a little farfetched but seriously, he’s my peep. You could just bump into him on the street, sit and have some coffee and be like, “What’s up Morgie?”. He’s chill like that.

It’s going to be a shame when he kicks the bucket. But it is consoling knowing him and Jack Nicholson completed their Bucket Lists a while back.

I remember the only time first time I met Mr. Freeman. It was in New York with the fam dam in 2008. We were in a wax museum waiting patiently in line, and me and my sister were goofing around the waiting room, go fig. I accidentally bumped into someone and as I slowly wheeled simultaneously apologizing to the unnamed Mr., I realize it’s none other than Morgan Freeman!!! But… wax form.. I’m tellin you, he looked so real. I got halfway through my, “Excuse, me” and realized not only did he not have warm skin or a beating heart, he had no working arms to wrap around his long-lost granddaughter’s my body. Unfortunate. Maybe we will meet someday…MF. I will after all be in Cali.

I bet he’s been in like, 200 movies..if not more. I wonder what he did before he did movies…I don’t remember ever seeing a movie where he was a young lad, or younger than 40 even. Or perhaps he’s a Benji Button type a guy that just always has looked like this?

You know who’s gonna be the new Morgan Freeman?

Denzel Washington.

The End.

WTF Weds: Ed 007 KOB hater

16 02 2011

I suppose this week I should write about some secret squirrel spy shit seeing as it’s entry numbah 007…buuuuut I’m going to be honest with you. I have seen maybe ONE James Bond movie. And it may or may not have been on a plane, so clearly I was not at my most vigilant moment. Though I do like a good spy move every now and again. Like Breach or Salt.

As I wait on my RO*TEL to simmer in the crock pot, I will share some things that I dislike about the Kingdom of Bahrain. Or as I like to call it. KOB-town.

These are in no order…I loathe them all equally.


Ninjas (by way of robe clad women)

Idiot drivers from 1. Bahrain 2. Saudi Arabia 3. Kuwait

Yelling screaming children at the mall. No parents in sight


140 degree weather

Fast food by way of delivery bike (this leads to noooo goooodddd)

No Chipotle, nowhere even close

MTVArabia…it’s just not the same…





road construction

site blocks on the internet


arabs praying at said mosques at 4am 6am 8am 9am 11am 3pm 4pm 5pm ……………and on and on and on

insurance stickers

Bahrain Dinar ($3 USD = $1 BD)

Well, that was a lot of complaining, but over 25 months in the middle east, you’ll have that.

And, as karma for spitting this mad hate at the ol KOB-town: Bloodlovehopeluststeam finishes crock-potting the RO*TEL queso. As she dipped several chips into the pot and consumed deliciousness, she hit her head on the lamp hanging in the eat-in-kitchen. Seriously, who puts a lamp 4′ from the floor!

Pocket Gypsy

15 02 2011

Gypsy…psychic. It’s the same thing in my book. But I suppose psychics tend to stay-put, unlike the incoherent-rambling specimen of Gypsy portrayed in “Snatch”. I really do believe they can see the future…well a select few of them anyway. You can’t just pick any old gypsy. Well, gypsies are hard to come by, so for the sake of this story, we’ll stick with the terminology “psychic”. It sounds more professional anyhow. “So, what do you do for work?” …”Well, I’m a gypsy.” …. “Soooo you travel and stuff….and steal shit?” That conversation would get nowhere fast.

I have seen a total of two psychics in my life. I’m not going to let just anyone wander around in this head of mine, so of course I was careful and selective with my psychic selection. I did my research. These weren’t no clown/carnival sideshows or run-of-the-mill psychic. With that said, how much research can you actually do to find the right psychic? In Hawaii it was hard to even put my finger on one. They aren’t exactly listed in the phonebook..and the storefronts don’t really look legit, no matter how professional of a mind-reader you may be. I can’t think of any storefront advertisement that put off that swanky “I’m a well-to-do professional” vibe. Ah well. Onto the main dish:

So, while I was stationed in Hawaii, I had the privilege of playing host/tour guide to several of my friends who would come and visit. My sister happens to be a teacher and has summers off, so she got to come stay with me three summers in a row. One of these said summers we tracked down a psychic in Pearl City. She didn’t seem like the creepy sacrifice-an-animal sort, so we strolled in, offered up $50 for her services, and threw caution to the wind. Sister went first. Then I went. After our readings the gypsy witch had told us to not share what she had told us (which made me think…does this lady offer the same future for multiple people, sisters even??). Of course we shared.

I forget what they told my sister, she could recount it I’m sure, but this lady was riiight on point for me. It was crazy. There wasn’t any introduction, Hi I’m bloodlovehopeluststeam, Hi I’m a gypsy type of thing. There wasn’t a, I’m from Wisconsin and I like the Packers shit. You just sit down, and shazam, the psyching begins. Firstly: we didn’t say we were sisters, but when I sat down she said, “That’s your sister, isn’t it?” Yup. Then she mentioned something about my hair being naturally curly all my life and hers being naturally straight (funny thing is, hers was curled that day way of iron). Creepy shit, guys. Then she assessed that I had been in Hawaii for a couple of years but I was getting ready to move on. (At the time I had been accepted to Law School and was just about to be discharged from the Navy). She said I love to go to school, learn all I can (I had just recently graduated college), and that I would end up in a job where I was helping people. (Hellooooo Lawyer). By this point I was in the palm of her hand, like warm gooey puddy, waiting to be raped of the mind. Then she said I hadn’t had much luck in the love business, but that I had dated a couple of guys in HI. I asked her when I would get married, she said within the next five years and it would be to someone I hadn’t met yet. At the time of the reading I was engaged…so that was awkward. Turns out, I didn’t end up marrying the guy. Guess I should have taken action sooner than later on calling off that courtship. I mean, there were several other intimate things she knew about that I hadn’t told a soul… It was uncanny.

My second encounter was with my friend Jigs in San Diego a couple years later. This was a gypsy encounter of a different type. I will get into that story later…

What if you were a legit psychic…and you knew every single event that would occur in your life, your friends’ lives…I think it would really ruin life, to be honest. That’s why so many people are against the whole peeking into the future thing. I would never want to know when I was going to die, but if you were actually a psychic you would know these things, and you would try to change your journey in life, and maybe those around you. It would be exhausting.

All considering, I sort of wish I would have a gypsy on command ready for an infrequent inquiry every now and then.

It’s always good to be prepared, right? That’s what my mom said.