Shukran, Kingdom of Bahrain

30 04 2011

Had a bad dream last night about werewolves… I wonder what brought that on? Certainly not the movie we saw lat night, The Lincoln Lawyer, with Matt Mcconaughey & Ry Ry Phillippe (isn’t it a little excessive to have two L’s and also two P’s?). It was a decent movie, we wanted to see it cause B read the book during our Europe trip. He said the book was way better, as they typically are, take Harry Potter for example. There’s just so much more detail you can put into a book, than a two-hour movie. It did have quite the set list, though. It had the dude from Sweet Home Alabama, William H. Macy, Marisa Tomei, a chick from Bones, a chick from Grey’s Anatomy. The list goes on. OH! And Trace Adkins was a beat-em-up biker dude.

The mall was unusually busy last night. Possbily due to some kind of protest in the area, I don’t know, I’ve never seen it that busy in the two years I’ve been here. We actually had to circle around a few times to find a parking spot since the dumbass locals like to double park in their Range Rovers, Mercedes, and Bentleys. I can’t blame them though.

Today marks my 737th day on this island. I feel it is time to go. I have had some good experiences here, some learning experiences, and some shitty times. But all-in-all, I think I’ve grown from it, which is what anyone hopes after two years. I can’t really say that I’ve learned to respect the culture any more. Being here you would think that the culture would kind of grow on you and you would learn to respect and admire how they do what they do. But the people here are generally rude. The Bahrainis anyway. The other inhabitants, immigrants from the Philippines, India, Asian or African continents are actually very respectable. Even if they don’t know english, they know how to communicate and offer respect to passers-by.

I will be flying via four layovers and four air carriers to get to my destination into a little town in Iowa, where my parents have retired and made their homestead. Why IA you ask? Well, most of Mom’s family is in MO, and most of the step-dad’s family is in MN/WI. So, IA it was. Plus, the weather is more forgiving than the overwhelming humidity and scorching heat of MO, and the nearly unbearable winters of WI/MN. I never know how bad it was there until I had the experience to live in a state without seasons, without winter, without snow. And it was glorious. Yes, don’t get me wrong, I do miss winter. For maybe a couple of days. But that school’s-called-off-due-to-wind-chill days, I do not. Those I-coudln’t-leave-the-house-due-to-being-snowed-in, I do not. And for my next station of duty, I will not be seeing the likes of winter at all. It may be a bit chilly, but rarely snow, and extremely rarely ice. Wind chill? Nuh-uh.

My first leg will be on Lufthansa air, which I hear is quite nice. I think it’s the largest carrier in the world. So I’m interested to compare it with the likes of Qatar Air, Kuwait Air, and Emirates Air. I just googled Lufthansa, and this is what came up:

If that’s what my plane looks like, hell yeah. But I doubt that hunk of metal exists in the real world. On the chance it is real, there may or may not be an alien abduction in my future. Stay tuned.

Hey, has anyone seen that movie Paul? It's pretty hilarious.

Mista B is just about done with his hot stone massage (a February VD gift…), but the next time I’ll be talking in your face, I will be an American on American soil. You don’t know how good it is to say those words.

I think my mom has my homemade meals all lined up, she says the first stop once I hit ground is the grocery store. =) On my list are all the usuals: hot wings, won tons, mac-n-cheese, creme de menthe cake…I’m going to be so sick. The upside is that me and the B will be starting a little friendly competition, The Biggest Loser, once I arrive to Pensacola. SO my week home will be my last week of shit-food eating. Plus, beach season is right around the corner…or is it here already?

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Krispity Kreme

26 04 2011

It's happening.





Only a few more days, I can do this.

25 04 2011

So, my time in the Kingdom is coming to an end..

Me and the B moved into a hotel for the last ten days or so, all of my shit is officially en route to VA and MO, my car is reading as “in transit to U.S.”, at least on the tracking page, and I am weaning myself from the base.

We need milk? Let’s go to the commissary. Nope, let’s NOT go to base on my day off… Need to go into work for something? Nope, not happening, it can wait till tomorrow. etcetera.

I’ll have to say, being at a hotel is relaxing, but really it has all the conveniences as my highrise did. They change your bedding, towels, and clean daily. Pool, gym (which, sadly I have yet to step into), room service, food delivery at your fingertips. Oh, and it turns out that military gets 20% off of anything ordered here. Me and B ate at Kontiki, a restaurant in the hotel last night and got 20% off the meal. Though I can’t really call it a steal of a deal seeing as it was still $18 dinars (times that by 2.66 for the american price).

The money system is quite deceptive here. It seems like you get a steal of a deal on clothing items, food, and things of that sort, but really you have to basically times everything by three to get the real price, in american dollar.

It is heating up here. And when I say heating I mean the sun, AND the humidity. We have had a couple days to lounge by the pool. And we have been eating out a lot. As I mentioned, Kontiki, and our other favories: Iskanduran Grill, Nu Asia, Citrus, Cinnabon, Chilis, oh the list goes on. We are terrible humans. Basically throwing away monies for this, but in a hotel what else are you to do?

I had my outbrief with the big boss today, and guess what the first thing he asked me was, “So, where is the first place you are going to e—“

Me (cutting him short in an offensively excited tone): “Well, sir I have it all planned out. Jamba Juice once I hit Philadelphia, I already googled it. Moe’s Southwest Grill in Minneapolis at that airport. Then, my sister is bringing me Chipotle from Missouri, and some Olive Garden in there too.”

The Sir: “Oh, it sounds like you have quite the line-up.”

…I don’t think he was expecting a carefully laid plan for my schedule of food, but he asked. So I procured.





A Mother’s Prayer for Her Child

21 04 2011

First, Lord: No tattoos. May neither Chinese symbol for truth nor Winnie-the-Pooh holding the FSU logo stain her tender haunches.

May she be Beautiful but not Damaged, for it’s the Damage that draws the creepy soccer coach’s eye, not the Beauty.

When the Crystal Meth is offered, may she remember the parents who cut her grapes in half And stick with Beer.

Guide her, protect her when crossing the street, stepping onto boats, swimming in the ocean, swimming in pools, walking near pools, standing on the subway platform, crossing 86th Street, stepping off of boats, using mall restrooms, getting on and off escalators, driving on country roads while arguing, leaning on large windows, walking in parking lots, riding Ferris wheels, roller-coasters, log flumes, or anything called “Hell Drop,” “Tower of Torture,” or “The Death Spiral Rock ‘N Zero G Roll featuring Aerosmith,” and standing on any kind of balcony ever, anywhere, at any age.

Lead her away from Acting but not all the way to Finance. Something where she can make her own hours but still feel intellectually fulfilled and get outside sometimes And not have to wear high heels. What would that be, Lord? Architecture? Midwifery? Golf course design? I’m asking You, because if I knew, I’d be doing it, Youdammit.

May she play the Drums to the fiery rhythm of her Own Heart with the sinewy strength of her Own Arms, so she need Not Lie With Drummers.

Grant her a Rough Patch from twelve to seventeen.Let her draw horses and be interested in Barbies for much too long, For childhood is short – a Tiger Flower blooming Magenta for one day – And adulthood is long and dry-humping in cars will wait.

O Lord, break the Internet forever, that she may be spared the misspelled invective of her peers And the online marketing campaign for Rape Hostel V: Girls Just Wanna Get Stabbed.

And when she one day turns on me and calls me a Bitch in front of Hollister, Give me the strength, Lord, to yank her directly into a cab in front of her friends, For I will not have that Shit. I will not have it.

And should she choose to be a Mother one day, be my eyes, Lord, that I may see her, lying on a blanket on the floor at 4:50 A.M., all-at-once exhausted, bored, and in love with the little creature whose poop is leaking up its back. “My mother did this for me once,”she will realize as she cleans feces off her baby’s neck. “My mother did this for me.” And the delayed gratitude will wash over her as it does each generation and she will make a Mental Note to call me. And she will forget. But I’ll know, because I peeped it with Your God eyes.

Amen.”

-Tina Fey

Apparently Tina Fey has a new book? ...and man hands..





WTF Weds: Ed 013 Fashion?

20 04 2011

So, while stalking the contestants of last year’s Project Runway, I ran across this pic. I looked up “Jesus of Project Runway” in google, and one of his designs came up below. Wtf, did she get shot by someone? Multiple times and in only one arm?? This is terrible. Who deems something “fashionable”, anyway? Kooks. That’s who.





It’s like the Twilight Zone

18 04 2011

They say don’t type angry…what are the guidelines for blogging angry?

Really fucking fed up with my career. Maybe it’s just locational sadness. If anyone is thinking about getting stationed at a “Flag Command” and there are some prominent military figures in your life preaching at your face that it’s “good for your career” or “it’s a good place for evals” or any other kind of ninny nanny bullshit, please put your hand up to their face, flip your hair, and turn the other way(this may be slightly less dramatic for the fellas in this scenario). Please, please. Please.

This place is so sad. I will openly admit that the chain of command is better than that piece of shit arrangement from my former duty station, but other than that, this place is not good for anything. Especially evals or enhancing your career. And if you are slotted to work in a shop where nobody does anything. ANYTHING, then look the fuck out. You will be in a world of stress. Seriously. I think we have all had that job where you are smothered by taskers with no way of coming out on top, but at least (1) you are given ample time to complete said tasking, and (2) there are several other people in your shop that are willing to take on the case load. Not here. I’m not sure why no one is motivated to do anything, but for one reason or another we have ten less people than we are slotted to have, and we have double the work. And you look around the shop and no one is really working on anything. ANYTHING. When I got here we were a highly productive shop, we had a boss who pushed us, who did operations and administration duties at the same time, and we had a leader who wanted to make progress, who encouraged us to develop and work on new avenues of what we do. Now, bossman could give two shits and bossman two only cares about off time. I don’t even know where he’s been the last three or four hours. When there are only four people in a shop why do you need three leadership positions is what really boggles my mind. It’s not like each one of them do something so extraordinary that they need a title.

If you are reading this and you work with me, I’m not really sorry or ready to apologize for the harsh wordings. But maybe one day when you are sitting around doing God knows what, on facebook, google, wandering around base, catching butterflies, maybe it will occur to you that there is shit to do around here and our shop CAN and USED TO make a difference and make shit happen. What have we done lately? What kind of impact have we made on operations that we can specifically blame on our perseverance and hard work? What have I personally contributed to this? What SHOULD I be doing while I am sitting at my computer staring off into oblivion? Am I completely happy with how I spend my day, was I productive and helpful to everyone that I could be, did I complete any taskers, did I coordinate with other shops? If any one of those is no, then youa re not doing your job, and you should not receive a paycheck. The Navy doesn’t ask much of you. Do your effing job.

Former boss just walked in here and said: “What are you doing?”

BLHLS: “Sir, I’m hate-blogging.”

Sir: “Well, I’m going to go grab a beer and come back for the 1730 meeting.”

Excellent.

Though I do not condone the shitbaggedness previously described up yonder, this statement was pretty hilarious.

I bet you are wondering, “Hey, bloodlovehopeluststeam, why is there a picture of an exquisitely delicious looking jar cake on this i’m feeling especially sorry for my pathetic self miserable post??”

Well, listen up. Someone in our shop has a nice wife who sends us goodies, and on this particular day she sent a 40lb box full of sweets. Who needs their teeth to rot?

Not I; my efforts at turning down anything sugar-fied are literally nonexistent. So I get pissed and eat. And eat. And devour, and eat.

I didn’t even know that cooking a cake in a jar was possible. But sure enough, six of these jobbies arrived yesterday. Three are gone.

Husband of aforementioned wife said that you just put the batter in these jars, pop them in the oven and cook like normal. when they come out of the oven, you put the jar tops on and they are magically sealed. Like, pressure sealed. So when you open them they do that ‘jelly-jar-pop’, signifying they have been sealed shut. And are fresh as a daisy when you open them. Moist and yummy. They have that just-out-of-grandma’s-oven taste. Yum yum.





Lazy Day pretty much

15 04 2011

Watchin “Off the Map”. It’s a new show on abc. Relatively new; it started this year. It has a few semi-famous peeps in it, but no one really out-of-this-world “holy-shit I want to meet this person” famous. It is a pretty decent show though. I thought it would be too close to “Lost”, but it has a completely different storyline. It’s about these doctors in the middle of nowhere with a make-shift clinic, but most of the locals speak spanish. So I am picking up some conversations here and there. I think I half like it because it reminds me of Lost and Hawaii. I wonder where it’s actually filmed…

So the movers came. Wahooooo moverssssss (can you sense the sarcasm?). It’s so weird that they just go through every thing you own, bags full of clothes and underthings, boxes full of scrapbooks, cds, what if I actually did have something that I didn’t want rummaged through? This is what dead people must feel like when their family and friends go through their house and box up everything they own. That journal that was never meant to be read, that box of things you kept that remind you of the happier times in your life, that room of Christmas gifts that you could never find a use for.

So the movers got up here to my flat and looked around and did the raised eyebrow thing after I pointed at all my shit laying around that needed to be moved off…. Then they said they’d be right back. 20 mins later I get a call from the moving company headquarters. They say they can only take 600 lbs since it’s “unaccompanied baggage”, ie: not ALL of my goods since half are in Missouri. So, they come back up and take 600 lbs, which is about 1/3 of my shit…so I have to go BACK to the household goods office on Sunday and figure this clusterfuck out. I knew it was too good to be true that they would ship all my stuff here, my stuff at my sister’s, and my stuff in storage to San Dog. Too good to be true…

Since I’ve shipped my car I’ve been sitting around the house a lot. Today is one of those days. I intend to pass the day watching tv. Namely “True Blood”. I’ve been waiting to watch season three for a long while now and the B downloaded it for me. He’s never seen the show…I don’t know how, because it’s amazing! He’s also never seen “It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia”. Damn shame.. They’re on like season 6 already!

Wait….? Online poker is illegal in Iowa? How do they even regulate that??