10 12 2011

I had the strangest dreams last night.

Part I. Me and my sister were in the Ville and on the outskirts of town but there were still some busineses. But the run-down types of ones. So we are sitting there with another friend of ours on the curb just chewin’ the fat. And this girl and guy walk by. The girl had on some skinny jeans and Sista goes, “Did you see her jeans, so ugly.” Then the girl wheels around and was like: “Excuse me? What did you say??”, all snarky like. Me and is looked the other way pretending they weren’t there and she didn’t just dis the skinny jeans chick. The two peeps kept on walking….then we heard some gun shots…pointed in our direction. Yep, guns in my Missouri hometown, pop 10k. Sooo we jump up and start running. Like at light speed. Fastest I’ve ever run in my life. Fastest I’ve ever seen my sister run for that matter. We saw the bullets hitting the buildings around us.. so we kept running until we made it to these restrooms and hid out. Sis was crying and our friend was trying to console her. And I was still in a WTF moment of shock. Then we walked out of the bathroom to see if it was okay and it was perfectly sunny out and we were downtown.

Part II. We all went underway on the ship I’m on. It holds over 1000 people plus supplies and such. But all of our families were there. Well, most of our families and relatives. None of mine. But I did have two friends. One was Frank (the gay from Real World) and the other was a friend from Missouri. We’ll call him C. All over the ship there were Easter decorations and banners so I assume it was that season. Also, the water was insanely clear, so we must have been near Hawaii. You could see clear through the water, it looked about five feet deep or so. No clue how we were floating in it and not grounded. So we were sitting on the back of the ship, and the ship was towing all sorts of crazy shit. Like fair rides, giant blow-up rafts, a couple cars, about three anchors that were floating on the top of the water somehow. Some of the family members were called over the intercom to go to the side of the ship so they could be lowered down to the rafts to go get some stuff from their cars, which were apparently being towed on a barge far enough behind us that you couln’t see it. So Frank looks over at me and gives me an ultimatum to choose him or C. I start giggling and tell him that i choose him, Frank. Then he blows up and storms off. Apparently in the dream the real Frank’s name was not Frank, it was Mista B. So I chose him, but insulted him by calling him Frank?? Then, before we knew it we were pulling into port. Some of our cars were in the hangar bay vice the barge. So me and C both hop in our respective cars, or so I thought. I was driving off the boat and on my way home and notice C hopped in a candy-red corvette, that was definitely not his. So he’s behind me and we are trying to get home ASAP before he gets caught. On the way I realize I have a huge bag of floor mats. I start searching through them to find mine, black rubber with a dancing Elvis Presley on them. I pull into the driveway and see the corvette speed by. He missed the driveway. At this point the authorities were onto us. I go out to flag C down so he doesn’t get pulled over but it’s too late and his car gets shot up by whoever actually owns the car…..

Part III. We are on vacation with the whole crew from my ship. (I think I’m having ship themed dreams with Navy peeps because last night was our Xmas party….) I think we were in Canada for some reason. Victoria perhaps. So we’re on this boat tour (civilian boat this time). And we are looking at the shore and out to sea and blah blah like they do on tours. So we pull into the dock to get off the ship and I’m so distracted with whatever I bought (out to sea??) and shuffling around that I miss the docking. Everyone had gotten off and we had managed to pull away without me getting off….So all of a sudden we’re pulling in somewhere else that looked like a train station and was apparently very far away from where I was supposed to get off. I go talk to the tour director and ask for directions to where my tour group got off. And he replies with, “Well, you’re never going to find it without a tour guide or directions.” Okay..that’s why I asked, genius. 😉 Sooo I start crying and panicking that I lost everyone and now I’m stuck on this stupid boat. I explain to them a sob story about how I have never been out to sea and that I don’t have my sea legs and that when we left port I didn’t know so it’s not my fault that I didn’t feel the boat moving. They showed no sympathy. So I asked again, where my tour group was so that I could find them. And they said that my group was now on an island getting a helo ride over to Santee. I guess we were in San Diego? Santee, though? Random. Only thing I know that’s over there are some model homes that me and Kitty checked out the other weekend and Sonic. (Did I mention there is only one Sonic in San Diego??). I slump down, defeated, and refuse to get off of the boat in the train station and begin a stare down with the tour guide. I’m pretty sure I lost because that’s when I woke up.

…at least this shit wasn’t as bad as the time I ate Arby’s and then dreamt I had saws for fingers on one hand and was cutting off the fingers on my other hand. I haven’t had Arby’s since.


WTF Weds: Ed 009 Wacky Tobacky

2 03 2011


Mista B (sidenote, wordpress can you please formally recognize that “Mista” is indeed a legit word. Because I sad so. Now, go away tiny red underlining.) kicked his dipping habit this week. Of which I am excited about. Because:

1. It’s icky.

2. It’s cancerous.

3. Bottles of brown liquid breeding on my countertops.

4. It’s unattractive.

5. It leaves shit in your teeth (refer to reason 4).

Thankfully the B used the little pouches, so no dip in the teeth factor, but all the same. Ick. He actually quit dipping a few days ago because he read an article about a guy from his hometown losing his jaw. Pretty real shit. Especially when the story hits close to home. No one really likes a quitter, but in this case we’ll make an exception. I’m proud of him. No weaning off, he just quite cold turkey. I tried to get him some beef jerky stuff yesterday..and apparently go the wrong kind..it’s the thought, right? I mean I guess the thought doesn’t go so far when the person you are doing it for is in the corner with cold sweats rocking back and forth. Okay, he isn’t tweaking that bad, but you can tell the withdrawal sucks.

I quit smoking a while back. I smoked for a good three or four years and quit in 2007 right after my deployment to the 7th fleet on the USS ESSEX (endearingly called USS NO SEX). On a ship it’s easy to get addicted and plus you get breaks from work if you need to smoke. And what it boiled down to was that it was something to do, and there were people to converse with. Plus, all the gossiping happens at the smoke deck. We all know this. But when I returned from the three month deployment I was up to a pack a day, which is insane and terrible for you. They weren’t Marlboro Reds or anything, but stuffed with cancer nonetheless. I used a drug called Wellbutrin to wean off from them. It really worked. Even to this day, when I smell smoke, or someone is near me doing it I get a sick stomach. I guess that shit stays in your system..for years.. heh. No? There’s times that I miss it, like when I’ve been stuck in traffic for an hour, or I’m having a stressful day, but there are other ways to deal with stress that not only do not cause cancer, but they are more effective and free. Blogging is one of them actually. Keeps the fingers occupied so it doesn’t feel like you’re missing anything.

Anyway, so if you dip, smoke, chew, inhale any kind of tobacky products I suggest you quit. Not next week, not tomorrow. This second. Throw that shit out. Down the disposal. Put it somewhere that will never be in your life again. Get that extra log out of the freezer and chuck that one too. Keep some gum, a phone, and a computer near you at all times though. You’re going to be irritable as shit for the first couple weeks. Remember, you can always call someone and talk it out. Get encouragement. No one likes to admit that they have an addiction, or that they need help, but be a man (or woman) and ask for it. We are all grown ass people.

Now, this is the part where I post some nasty nasty pictures of guys who lost their jaw, people with hair growing on their tongues, people dieing from cancer. But, I would rather not flip through my blog and have to look at these disgusting things. If you are demented and want to check it out, feel free to google tobacco + dip or go on youtube to see some motivational speakers. It took just that to convince the Mista to curb his long long habit of the great tobacky. So. Here you are –>

In other news (this doesn’t belong in a WTF post…at all) Happy Birthday to my man LJ!! You’re two today! I wish I could be there, I miss you and your mumsley 🙂

Spring Cleaning

14 01 2011

Doing a little spring cleaning today.

Dishes? check

Cleaning the cupboards? check

Pile of stuff to donate to women’s shelter tomorrow? check

Organizing Mista B’s ‘man room’ (don’t worry, no deer heads on the wall here..he gets to dust those when the time comes). check

Laundry? In progress (I save all my laundry-doing until the very last minute. Seems like a waste of an off-day. No my undies are not inside out. I don’t wait THAT long. But I will tell you it has come to that. Well, commando at least. What? Don’t even tell me you haven’t done it.

Finding a home video tape of deployment to Japan 2006? CHECK CHECK. Hah, nearly forgot about this ancient video camera. Seems like if the vid cams are bigger than a credit card the devices can appear to be a bit Mesozoic. It’s a Sony Handicam circa 2005. It was top-o-the line for the day. Also on the same tape is some home vids of a trip home I took, some college parties and such. Now everyone I know and grew up with have long-since graduated..Some tape from when my friends came to visit me in Hawaii in 2008. Wow, is that 3 yrs ago already? My how time flies. Now, how do I get these gems uploaded to my computer. Who knows if they even make connectors for these…

I have some candles burning, and the door open to get some circulation. That’s what I like to do on my off days. It’s actually cold here. About 60 degrees. Winter in Bahrain has been quite kind to us this year. Last year I swear it didn’t get below 70 degrees. Mid-house-cleaning I am inspired to put some words up here, so I just plopped down on the couch, and what do I hear? A loud ass motorcycle. My heart…beating…thumpity thump thumpity-ing. Man I miss my girl. Ninja ZX-6. By the time I see her I’ll need to learn how to ride all over again. She’s midnight purple, sleek n sexy, her name is Prescilla. Surprisingly enough I got her off of a guy in Hawaii. She’s in my sister’s garage just waiting all lonely and basically in a coma. I doubt after a year of no lovin she’ll even start. I’m coming for you darling, don’t you worry.