To: Roch, From: Your favorite sister.

19 01 2011

Can someone email my sister to tell her to start a blog?? She’s got some crazy stories. Like that one time one of her students accidentally called her “Grandma”, and then cried later for feeling bad about it. Or that one time I came to visit her class and the entire way to school I re-iterated my nervous anxiety onset disorder when there are lots of small people around (kids or midgets, I don’t discriminate). When they arrived as the early bell rang, she told them I just ‘loooooved’ hugs and they all came running at me, it was like in those movies when you see the light at the end of the tunnel and then it slowly gets smaller and smaller and eventually it becomes dark and they slip into oblivion. Sort of like that. THEN, come to find out halfway through the day one of her darling, sweet students has LICE. Emmer Effing LICE. Ugh! She assures me when you are an ay-dult you are not as susceptible to the little jumpers, but I have my own suspicions. Example #3 why you should blog, sister (I know you are reading this, and the wheels are turning in that head of yours, dressed with glasses and probably a cute clip or something) How about when you guys had “Dress like your Hero Day” and one of your students came to school dressed like you!  I know, who’da thunk living in Missouri you would have stories that shock and awe. Look people, the midwest is not only cowpies and corn fields.

I’m noticing most of my words here are not being acknowledged by the spellchecker as being legitimate …How is ‘cowpie’ not in the dictionary?!!? Perhaps it is two words. I think it should be one, schmooshed together. Schmooshed: not in dictionary.

Now, onto more pressing matters. I just can’t get behind this Kindle machine. It seems to be all the rage. A girl who worked here had one…I know a guy who got one for xmas..I mean they are spreading like wildfire. And they are the “cool” thing to have along with moon boots (WHO brought these back i do not know), high waisted jeans, and toe shoes. Personally if a reading object does not smell like a new book or like it has been in a library for nearly 100 years, then I don’t want to read it. Plus, you don’t get that sense of accomplishment you get as you turn from page to page and find that you are making your way through the book in record time. Or, if you are really enjoying it you can consciously savor each chapter until you come to the end.

You ever sit at your desk and feel like you might just shit your pants at any minute? (Sister, you deserve to be the interlude to a blog about shoes, cookies, or dogs..but you’ll have to forgive me for this one.) That feeling of impending doom that you may explode at a time in the all-too-near future, and if you could just get to the bathroom in T minus 2 seconds you may be alright? That feeling where there may or may not be leakage in your britches. That feeling where you have sweat on your brow and shooting pain in your lower abdomen?

Naturally, we need to go over the options and possible causes proceeding my unfortunate afternoon.

1. Pregnancy. Nope, not even possible.

2. Did I down a whole bottle of hot sauce? No

3. Did I eat an entire box of Girl Scout cookes? Quite possible, after those first few it was a sugar-high blackout there for a while. We will revisit you, number three.

4. Did I consume an abnormal amount of fiber today? Nope

5. Is this karma for something I did? Probably

6. Do I have a tapeworm? (Yes, possible in these parts of the world unfortunately). No, I didn’t consume any local water or food lately. Except for that delicious McDonalds last night. AH HAH. Thaaat’s probably it.

Causes aside, I had a very long afternoon and evening of stomach pains, clocking several steps on my pedometer, and a significant amount of face time with the women of this building. (Yea, lady, I SAW you not wash your hands. What kind of example are you setting? Hmmmm?) One of my coworkers phrased it quite well. He would come back to work after lunch…and sit for about ten mins and then suddenly get up and say “I’m going to go pee out my butt.”

Well. Good night then. I deserve this rest. I worked my ass off today.