10 12 2011

I had the strangest dreams last night.

Part I. Me and my sister were in the Ville and on the outskirts of town but there were still some busineses. But the run-down types of ones. So we are sitting there with another friend of ours on the curb just chewin’ the fat. And this girl and guy walk by. The girl had on some skinny jeans and Sista goes, “Did you see her jeans, so ugly.” Then the girl wheels around and was like: “Excuse me? What did you say??”, all snarky like. Me and is looked the other way pretending they weren’t there and she didn’t just dis the skinny jeans chick. The two peeps kept on walking….then we heard some gun shots…pointed in our direction. Yep, guns in my Missouri hometown, pop 10k. Sooo we jump up and start running. Like at light speed. Fastest I’ve ever run in my life. Fastest I’ve ever seen my sister run for that matter. We saw the bullets hitting the buildings around us.. so we kept running until we made it to these restrooms and hid out. Sis was crying and our friend was trying to console her. And I was still in a WTF moment of shock. Then we walked out of the bathroom to see if it was okay and it was perfectly sunny out and we were downtown.

Part II. We all went underway on the ship I’m on. It holds over 1000 people plus supplies and such. But all of our families were there. Well, most of our families and relatives. None of mine. But I did have two friends. One was Frank (the gay from Real World) and the other was a friend from Missouri. We’ll call him C. All over the ship there were Easter decorations and banners so I assume it was that season. Also, the water was insanely clear, so we must have been near Hawaii. You could see clear through the water, it looked about five feet deep or so. No clue how we were floating in it and not grounded. So we were sitting on the back of the ship, and the ship was towing all sorts of crazy shit. Like fair rides, giant blow-up rafts, a couple cars, about three anchors that were floating on the top of the water somehow. Some of the family members were called over the intercom to go to the side of the ship so they could be lowered down to the rafts to go get some stuff from their cars, which were apparently being towed on a barge far enough behind us that you couln’t see it. So Frank looks over at me and gives me an ultimatum to choose him or C. I start giggling and tell him that i choose him, Frank. Then he blows up and storms off. Apparently in the dream the real Frank’s name was not Frank, it was Mista B. So I chose him, but insulted him by calling him Frank?? Then, before we knew it we were pulling into port. Some of our cars were in the hangar bay vice the barge. So me and C both hop in our respective cars, or so I thought. I was driving off the boat and on my way home and notice C hopped in a candy-red corvette, that was definitely not his. So he’s behind me and we are trying to get home ASAP before he gets caught. On the way I realize I have a huge bag of floor mats. I start searching through them to find mine, black rubber with a dancing Elvis Presley on them. I pull into the driveway and see the corvette speed by. He missed the driveway. At this point the authorities were onto us. I go out to flag C down so he doesn’t get pulled over but it’s too late and his car gets shot up by whoever actually owns the car…..

Part III. We are on vacation with the whole crew from my ship. (I think I’m having ship themed dreams with Navy peeps because last night was our Xmas party….) I think we were in Canada for some reason. Victoria perhaps. So we’re on this boat tour (civilian boat this time). And we are looking at the shore and out to sea and blah blah like they do on tours. So we pull into the dock to get off the ship and I’m so distracted with whatever I bought (out to sea??) and shuffling around that I miss the docking. Everyone had gotten off and we had managed to pull away without me getting off….So all of a sudden we’re pulling in somewhere else that looked like a train station and was apparently very far away from where I was supposed to get off. I go talk to the tour director and ask for directions to where my tour group got off. And he replies with, “Well, you’re never going to find it without a tour guide or directions.” Okay..that’s why I asked, genius. 😉 Sooo I start crying and panicking that I lost everyone and now I’m stuck on this stupid boat. I explain to them a sob story about how I have never been out to sea and that I don’t have my sea legs and that when we left port I didn’t know so it’s not my fault that I didn’t feel the boat moving. They showed no sympathy. So I asked again, where my tour group was so that I could find them. And they said that my group was now on an island getting a helo ride over to Santee. I guess we were in San Diego? Santee, though? Random. Only thing I know that’s over there are some model homes that me and Kitty checked out the other weekend and Sonic. (Did I mention there is only one Sonic in San Diego??). I slump down, defeated, and refuse to get off of the boat in the train station and begin a stare down with the tour guide. I’m pretty sure I lost because that’s when I woke up.

…at least this shit wasn’t as bad as the time I ate Arby’s and then dreamt I had saws for fingers on one hand and was cutting off the fingers on my other hand. I haven’t had Arby’s since.



2 07 2011

I had THE strangest dreams last night.

Several people I know were there….and people I don’t necessarily know on a close encounter kind of basis.

The only thing I did outside of my normal bedtime routine was get Arby’s. Curly fries and a roast beef sammy. Medium. Somewhere in between getting my foodstuffs, driving home, watching “Fringe”, and turning in for the night, someone might have slipped me a roofie. I have never had this amount of dreams and slept so poorly in my life.

Firstly, I could not even get to sleep. I laid for an hour and a half wide awake. Then, once I did get to sleep I would wake up every two hours. Not because of a a startling sound, or because I had to use the ladies rm, I just woke up out of nowhere.

My first dream was of my family. My Mom was out on vacation, so me and the sister Roch were watching the kids while they were out of town. The Mums was on vacation with a boyfriend (despite her real life husband of 16 yrs…??–but single in the dream) and we were babysitting the little brothers and sisters that were in the dream. The house was a MESS. A mess, so we were dutifully cleaning. The strange part was that there were pool floatie noodles everywhere. In ever room disbursed out in a mess. So, Mom and her bf come home from vacay with three kids in tow, and a moving truck. She had decided it would be best for them to move in with us. A man she had MET a short week ago, and some kids we had never met. Three kids to be exact. You can imagine my surprise.

Flash to dream II. In this dream I was snorkeling. But it was really deep in the water, and it was freshwater. Yeah, not the ocean, though ocean life was present, but a lake-like thing that was very clear to see through. My company was a girl I met in Pensacola seven years ago, and also who I was stationed with on the USS Essex with two years after that. We were snorkeling and all of a sudden my entire left leg was in the mouth of a crab. This must of been one giant crab, because my legs are neither short nor frail. So I turn around and this crab has got me nearly swallowed. And, as in any dream, things are not the norm…I can actually see from the inside of the crab as my leg is being eaten and digested.

I am woken up for a bathroom break. Thank God, I need that leg.

Dream III, I am shopping at a mall with my three friends that are coming to visit me in Florida this summer. Jewleggi, Penny, and Shmarshmandra. We are in this mall, and I spy from across the hall that they have a Coach store. Naturally, I gotta go check it out. As I get closer, the end of the mall opens up and there is one side of it that is lined in shelves. These shelves are FULL of designer handbags that are on serious discount. This is my kind of dream shopping mall. So, I start checkin them out, trying them on, seeing if they feel just right. Most of them were outdated/old styles, but I have an eye for these things, as does every woman in the market for a purse. And I see a couple peeps from High School go sauntering by. People that were a couple grades below me. I was rather surprised to see them in the exact mall that I was shopping in. And in Florida no less. How random. So I shout to them, as they had already walked by when I realized who they were, “Hey, I remember you from High School” -insert ‘you know me’ face- and they just stared at me. No words. And turned around and kept walking. Well that was rude. I look pretty much like I did nearly ten years ago. So, I continued on with my shopping, which leads me into my next dream… (I guess when dreams get boring, your mind moves on?)

Dream IV: This time I was at a dealership somewhere in FL checking out some cars. The dealer rolls up in a caddy that looks 1/3 jeep, 1/3 nice car, and 1/3 hearse. The hearse/jeep part being located at the very end of the car, with an open top…. I just stood there. He pops out, looking all excited. There was a couple test driving it and he had been in the back seat. They seemed very interested and ready to buy. He shows me the car and gives me a little story about it and how he searched high and low to find just the thing I was looking for. (I have a thing for manuals, and this one was the only one they had on the lot). He had to specially hunt this thing down because they don’t really sell them much anymore these days. I explain that it is hideous looking and I hate it. To which he looks at me disgustedly and tells me he has had his eye on this one because he knew I would like it. I tell him I don’t even want to test drive it because it is huge, and I hate it. Meanwhile I am still sitting in a friend of mine’s car, not even getting out to give it the eyeball. I was at this dealership with a guy from class -we were there in his new jeep-, my friend Jewleggi again, and a distant cousin of mine, to which I have not even seen in person in at least 7 yrs. We used to party back in college, but I haven’t been home much since the Navy happened. Anywho, so me and her sit in the car and jeep-class guy, we’ll call him Miker gets out to scope this thing out. He gets in the car and proceeds to test drive it. Anything to make the dealer happy, we need him on our side if I ever hope to get a new car. No idea where my actual car was in this dream… I own a decently new car. So Miker and the dealer get back from the test drive, and this guy is still angry with me. He makes me and my cousin-girl wash all of their cars in the warehouse. Like, soap, hose, and sponge style. And apparently this man not only owns a dealership, he also owns a golf course, which had to be in the same area because above us in the warehouse were hundreds of golf shoes. Like when you see shoes hung on a power line, but these were literally hanging at different levels above our heads. Flash forward to several hours later, Jewlegs had to leave us since she had somewhere to be before 6pm. There was now a party going on in the warehouse. Though the dealer-man was ignoring me, he was kind enough to let me have some of his liquor. So we drank, and a friend from Hawaii shows up, who is apparently buddy-buddy with this dealer. And they hit if off like two peas in a pod, and I am left wandering the warehouse staring up at the shoes and wondering what exactly this guy was up to with all these shoes.

Then, I wake up. Well, let me rephrase that. I was RUDELY awaken by the houskeeping. Four very abrupt knocks. As if there were a 600 pound gorilla outside my room, seriously. I hear you lady, no need for the early-morning rapping. It was 8am. Now, these ladies don’t come by until at least early afternoon on the weekdays. What makes weekends so special that you must come at 8am. Who on earth is awake at this hour?!

I think watching this “Fringe” show is really messing with me.

Sister, don’t you have a dream book? What is wrong with me?!