Lane-isms

7 06 2012

So I’m sure at work you all have “that guy” who is completely awkward, kind of strange looking, and says shit that only creepy people think is normal.

We had one of those in Hawaii and these are a few of his “isms.” Found these while I was packing today.

1. Yea, the townspeople raised me. (Talking about how he was “raised in a cult”).

2. My glasses enunciate my forehead, they make it more pronounced.

3. Today is deader than my great great grandfather who died from kerosene poisoning.

4.  I’m perfectly content with talking with myself.

5. I was forced to eat one apple every five minutes for three hours. It was an order from the cult leader.

6. Why does no one talk about the fact Jesus had bastard children?

7. I wonder what it would be like if Inspector Gadget was a porn star.

8. My genius is actually true.

9. I’m not a good catcher, if you catch my drift.

10. (Someone asks) What color is this? (Lane responds) Shiny.

11. Sometimes I wish I was a bastard.

12. You just said my magic language.

13. My parents didn’t even know they were getting married until the middle of the meeting.

14. I don’t understand half of what I say or a millionth of what I think.

15. Someday I’m going to open Neverland Ranch 2.

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One response

7 06 2012
MagWag

Those are funny 🙂 Yes, I am one of those creepy people sometimes.

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