Tanger Outlet = Black Hole of Goodness

22 07 2011

This past weekend me and my friend Gypsy went to the Tanger Outlets in Foley, Alabama.

About an hour and a half west of here. Honestly I thought it was closer, but it ended up being a fast trip nonetheless. We had some time to catch up and listen to some new tunes. Plus it was a gorgeous day despite Mother Nature’s “wet sunshine”. Also, we learned there is a Lambert’s Cafe in Foley. “Home of the throwed rolls.” Turns out the place originated in Missouri, my motherland. Who knew. We didn’t end up eating there this time because there were at least 50 patrons in front of us and we didn’t want to wait for three hours. So, we made the executive decision to eat something at the mall. Interestingly enough, for such an overwhelmingly large mall, there were only three food places. Pizza. Chinese. Sammies. That is all.

Tanger Outlets is not a place for the occasional shopper. It is a place you go as an experienced shopper. Get in, get some business done, and get out. You will lose your mind without a plan of attack.

I have no idea how many stores are there, but if I had to guess I would say at least 100. And thankfully we weren’t interested in over half of them, such as the knife store, the jewelry stores, the tool man-shop, the higher-end stores etc. Makes sense, they have to pepper in some shops geared towards the poor poor husbands.

So, we hit up quite a few outlets. Eddie Bauer, Nike, North Face, Jockey, Coach, etc. BUT, during our walkabout, two new stores were introduced into my life.

1. Soma

2. White House Black Market

Amazing little shops. Well, not little since they are chains and all over the world but you get the drift. Soma is a woman-stores. Undies, sleepwear, etc. Kind of like Jockey, but they have really good quality intimates. soma.com if you wanna check it out. But as I was wandering around the store, I found some undies that have a silicone lining on the cheek part. So they stay in place, ie: no wedgies, like EVER. I found this pretty ballsy  that they would claim this. I have never owned anything that didn’t at some point during the day ride up and become uncomfortable. So, the silicone isn’t like butt padding, it’s just a very thin little strip, so as to act like double-sided tape (you can kind of see it in the pic). These panties also offered the “vanishing edge” feature. I scooped some up to try them out and rushed to the counter before I could gather any other items I didn’t need.

As I approached the counter the lady was helping someone else, so I patiently waited near the lotions, the optimum marketing placement that gets me every time whether it’s lotion, purfume, lip gloss, nick nacks….Me and Gypsy tried every lotion up there and decided we liked the majority of them, and didn’t like one of them and made some ick-faces as we smelled them some more….and then it was time to check out.

This particular saleslady seemed overly excited about undies…. As she scanned my picks, I did my usual “Do you have a military discount” routine and forked over the plastic. This is the moment where said lady decided to practice a little afternoon overshare. She went into the “these undies are so great!” sales routine and went on and on about how the vanishing edge is great and the silicone sides guarantee no more wedgies (but her boyfriend was reportedly disappointed about this feature) and how they are top sellers, and after wearing them once I’ll be hooked forever. Mmmhmm? (insert polite nod and awkward save me glance at Gypsy). Then, the lady proceeds to pull up her dress and show me exactly what she was talking about with the vanishing edge/silicone business. She lifts up her dress, and btw, we are still standing in the middle of the store at the register as various customers meander in and out. She pulls the back of the undies out and shows us the silicone and snaps them back into place and exclaims her love of these things. Then she put her dress back down, handed me a receipt and then it was Gypsy’s turn to take a stab at check-out-counter roulette. As you probably have guessed, I headed for the door and waited for her in another location. Awkward.

BUT, as it turns out, these undies are AMAZING. Like, amazing. Time for my own overshare. (guys, skip this paragraph) I got five pairs, they have them in every kind, bikini, high-rise, boy shorts, etc so you can mix-n-match, and all sorts of patterns. I wore them for the first time on Sunday and it feels like you are wearing nothing, as in absolutely nothing underneath. AND for the first time in twenty-six years I went an entire 18 hours without a wedgie, or even a slight panty adjustment. It was the strangest thing. Going from my staple Victoria’s Secret staple panties to this new, unfamiliar land with pure bliss where you put on your undies and forget about them. Amazing. I will never buy anything else. Crazy peep show saleslady was onto something…

Now, as for the other store. White House Black Market. This place was somewhat similar to NY & Co., but a tad more swanky. They sell business-y type clothes that you can also dress down if wanted. Supercute coats and pants/jeans. I ended up finding a greenish-military colored jacket that is perfectly fitted, and some jeans that look great. I will def be visiting that joint again.

All-in-all we had a nice little day trip. Good thing, cause I was house-bound most of Sunday due to rain, rain, and more liquid sunshine (according to the saleswoman at the North Face Outlet).

Now, what’s the plan for this weekend? Loving being back in the U.S. and catching up with old friends!

Hope everyone had an equally enjoyable weekend. I’m trying to send some of this rain up to the midwest!




4 responses

22 07 2011
Patti Simmons

I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE Soma! You should try their “Cool Nights” and “Travelers” stuff! A-mazing! 🙂

22 07 2011
Megan Rascoe

I’m so ready to go America shopping!

26 07 2011

do i have to go to alabama to procure these undies?
…that might be a dealbreaker.

26 07 2011

yes but only for a couple hrs. BUT there is a store in Destin!

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