Ode to Janet

12 07 2011

So, today was the day I had set aside to go to the DMV. Conveniently enough, the Blue Angels decided to wake me up in their ever-so-subtle way:

Flying directly over the Navy Gateway. Show-offs! Pretty sure they took some shingles off this time.

I have to say it was a welcomed interruption since I had slept through my first two phone alarms… Damn snooze button.

Anyhow, first thing’s first. Collect any and all paperwork I need, might need, and probably won’t need for this excursion. A trip to the DMV can turn into an event, so it’s good to be prepared. Since my car was “imported” from overseas, unregistered, insured in one state, titled in another state, and I had a Driver’s License from yet another state (thank God for military loopholes)….I knew I had to be in for one hell of an adventure.

2nd task: Find DMV. The facilities in Pensacola are all named “Janet Holley Tax Collector”. Every DMV location is called exactly that. Strange, I thought to myself….but I set my suspicions aside and got directions from a friend of mine to the closest Janet Holley and headed out, to what I expected would be similar to a visit to the 2nd ring of Hell.

During my trip over, I recollected one of Dane Cook’s skits where he was talking about the DMV, how every time you have to go there you just dread it, and expect to wait in the line for three hours, get a rude clerk, and have to pay out the ass for whatever service the State demands you complete. He went on about how with the rate of technology these days, that in the future everything will be so fast. You will be able to travel at the speed of light, there will never be traffic jams, and drive-thrus will take under a minute, but the DMV will still take NINE minutes to get through the line and up to the desk to the lazy old fat lady with a giant hairy mole and three inch fake nails who moves at the speed of a constipated turtle.

So I arrive at said DMV, and there are only about five people in the waiting room – what luck-, and I make it up to the counter in record time. The lady asks for my paperwork and Driver’s License and I explain the sitch about my car. She accepts my story and begins furiously typing and about 5 mins into the process she looks over and says, “There’s a lot of paperwork for this one”, to which I say “Ah, you picked a winner this time!” We both politely chuckle and she continues with her 30 wpm’s as I go back to staring into space. This is a great start, polite small talk, she’s processing my shit, so I must have the exact paperwork I need, though she’s being coy and hasn’t said exactly what she’s doing… Women.

Anywho, the DMV Goddess clerk prints two pages, I sign both, she tells me I need to pay her monies and then casually slides my new license plate and registration over the table and makes a Viola! type of gesture. I wanted to hug her, or toss her a piece of candy.

That’s it!? Easy Peasy! Especially on my part, all I had to do was sign a couple things, sit and try not to look at anyone the wrong way…especially the select individuals that were present on this particular day (trying not to stare at DMV patrons is a difficult task for me).

No joke, the whole process took about 15 mins, tops. My clerk was polite, efficient, knowledgeable, and it was in record time. Expeditious and DMV are never in the same sentence, or paragraph for that matter.

So, we parted ways, with my encyclopedia of paperwork in one hand, and my new FL plates in the other. When I got to the parking lot, I screwed in my new plate and went my way.

I should really go back there and fill out a Customer Comment card. When’s the last time they got good feedback? Maybe never.




2 responses

12 07 2011
Megan Rascoe

I’m scared to ship my car in the event that it falls apart along the way. Add to that, 2 years in desert conditions then shocking it with MD weather might stop its go go juice.

On the other hand, I’m extremely jealous of this DMV visit, especially after the adventure that was getting my car registered in Bahrain. (I’m letting the Dinar Man get my car unregistered, or just selling it, which I’m sure is a hassle of itself).

13 07 2011

Oh the process of de-registering it is JUST as fun, if not more! Again, thank you Bahrain.

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