WTF Weds: Ed 006 La Dentist

10 02 2011

day late here… pls don’t sue. weds..thurs….same same?

The topic we visit today: The Dentist. Phonetically pronounced “denteeeeeeest”. Spanishly pronounced Dentistay. Or as I so fondly like to call it: La Devil.

Went in for the ol one-year checkup/exam today. The Navy tells me by law it must be once a year. Now, I’m not entirely sure there are Dentistry Police waiting around the corner to club you if you do not schedule your yearly, but I am NOT about to find out the consequences. Navy don’t fuck around.

I failed to disclose upon signing my four-year contract that I have a minor….let’s be real, I can be real with you. I have a MAJOR fear of the dentist. Ever since I was a kid, but it got even worse during boot camp where they filled 16 “cavities”, to which 7 of them had to be completely reconstructed years down the line and one of them led to a root canal. Seriously? I don’t play when it comes to the Dentist, and I do not intend to let adolescent tweens with days on the job fuck around with my mouth piece. But, in boot camp you have no choice, and you are not allowed to have an opinion, let alone refuse medical “care”.

If there was one thing in this world that I dread, it would be pointy, blood hungry tools going inside my mouth (jokes to yourself, kids) to poke around and mess with the relationship my teeth have with my gums. WTF. Does it really require for you to take a finely sharpened miniature ice pick to torture my gumline. I mean, I’m pretty sure he was trying to find where the roots met with my jaw down there. This guy wasn’t fuckin around. If there’s anything I HAVE learned with my 39 fillings….do NOT make jokes. Dentists…doctors…medical “professionals” do not have a sense of humor. Especially when it comes to excuses for not flossing or using mouthwash. I mean, seriously what are you my father? Lord of Dentistry over here gave me a 20 minute speech while I was stuck in that uncomfortable pee-resistant death chair about the importance of flossing. Personally, I think twice-a-day is well beyond my personal hygienic responsibility. Just my humble opinion. Anyhow, we wrapped it up on a good note, with a firm lecture on how I need to utilize mouth wash with fluoride, sensodine, and to cut back the sweets. Thank you Mr. Dentist, I bid you a fair adeu…until Feb 2012. Not a minute sooner.

And here I am…..eating some angel food cake. My mom sent some in the mail from America. I mean, I can’t just not eat it. That would be rude. I feel a cavity coming on. And I am scared.




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