Show me how you burlesque!

9 02 2011

Oh man oh man, I know what you’re why do you watch so many movies bloodlovehopeluststeam?? What is wronnnnng with you? Well, set your judgement aside, and listen up.

Just finished watching a bootleg (shhh!) of Burlesque with Christina Aguilera, Cher, Kristen Bell, the dude from Never Back Down (the mean vamp from Twilight), and several other famous muggs. It was a very good movie. And I haven’t seen a very good movie in a long time. It’s not necessarily strictly a chick movie either. Mista B liked it and he is certainly not gay, not even a little. It was fast-moving, had a good storyline (well…sort of like Coyote Ugly), lots of dancing-burlesque style of course, and a great cast ta-boot! I suggest you watch it if you get the chance to intercept this movie. By legal means or otherwise. Can you believe Mista B didn’t know that there were real bars that girls do this at?? Oh, we are going, and he will see. Oh, and Cher is SIXTYFOUR!!! I mean, plastic surgery does wonders, but she could be my gma!

I have had exactly three experiences with burlesque shows. Let me share:

1. Hawaii. The year was 2008 and it was the ides of March…on Hotel Street. Me and my roommate had been downtown and saw flyers for a “Wild Wild West Burlesque Show” at this bar. So, we talk the men into it. Which now that I think about it, what man do you need to con into seeing women dancing on stage in a suggestive manner, half-naked? So we show up in the middle of the night to this shady part of town to a bar where we are expecting this fabulous show. It ended up being a hole-in the wall shack where drinks were relatively cheap, decent company, and there was a bubble machine. So, considering I can’t really complain. However, there was no Burlesque show really. Not a formal one. There was a lady who got up there in this oriental garb with long as fingernail thingies and basically stripped. Then the band played…then some other chicks got up there and danced..but they weren’t necessarily in harmony with one another. I’m not one to judge, but I have seen way better shit on TF. So I was hoping my second run-in with burlesque would behold the crown jewel of dancers.

2. Oh, and let me tell you, that it did. When we were in Vegas this past summer we went to a topless Burlesque Show. It was called “Holly Madison’s Peep Show”. She had a very small part, we did get to see her topless, but the best part was watching them all dance. These crazy beautiful costumes (from the waist down) that they would come out in individually and do their own numbers. Then in the middle and towards the end they came out and danced all together. One of my friends actually go to meet Holly Madison! (And if you are a dude and reading this, she’s one of Hef’s former gf’s & a Playboy playmate.) And the funny part is, we didn’t even plan on seeing it. We were in Vegas and went to one of those buy-your-tickets-here “we are legit” places and got them last minute the day-of on our last day in Vegas. It was amazing and I would suggest it to anyone that goes.

3. Refer to para 2

And now we are stalking that ten-year old from America’s Got Talent. Jackie somethingruther.. She’s so adorable! How does someone sing opera at ten? Good question. Turns out she lost to Michael Grimm for the 2010 Finals. Buuuut she still got some monies and a trip to Disneyworld and the Harry Potter castle. Probably for the best seeing as her whole fam would have had to uproot and move to Las Vegas to fulfill the one-year show contract for the AGT winner.

Speaking of singers…Ms. Swift is going to be in P-cola in April. One month shy of my arrival. Damn the luck. I may have a slight non-creepy non-gay obsession with this young lady. Thankfully, she has decided to grace Fort Lauderdale and Orlando with her presence in June of this year. Keep some of those tickets reserved for me folks. I will see her in concert someday …more than once. It is worth any amount of monies. T Party!!




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