WTF Weds: Ed 004 Is that a nanner in your pocket?

26 01 2011

WTF!!!! So, there I was at the mini-mart being an obedient girlfriend and picking up some milk for the boy toy. I gather my things, buy my goods…which happened to include a frozen dinner, Tums (you never know), hand sanitizer, and aforementioned skimmed udder juice. I begin meandering my way through base to my jalopy….reach in my backpack side pocket to grab my keys. What do I find? No keys. Just banana. I had bought a banana on the way to work this morning with all intention of being a healthy human being and striving for the healthy lifestyle. In the midst of my deli sammich, lays cheddar crisps..diet coke..nutter butters…swiss cake rolls..and homemade cookies the Momma V sent…fuck. Now that it’s written I feel like an incredibly terrible trying-to-be-on-the-straight-n-arrow by way of healthy living. ANYWAY. So, the ol nanner was left in the bag, which was thrown on the floor, around the office, moved from the table to the floor, carried on my back across base, into the locker room, across base again, slammed in the corner at the front of the mini-mart as I dutifully searched for my pantry items. Flash back to searching for my keys. I stick my hand in my pocket, and to my dismay there are no keys patiently waiting for my grasp and fondle. There was no perfectly ripened banana patiently waiting for my consumption.

Instead, there was a beat up, bent in half, browned and cut. dead. banana. (A moment of silence.) He didn’t even see it comin, the poor guy. 15 hrs later to emerge from his cocoon of what was once a safe place, bruised and broken. Taken advantage of. Sorry about that bud.

But the worse part, is that I had banana guts all over my hands, yuuuck. I tried to insert a little example of what I was dealing with earlier tonight, but when I googled. Dirty old banana some very strange images loaded up…

But do not worry, my keys were safely tucked below the mass of banana guts. In one piece, and still functioning.

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