WTF Weds: Ed. 003 Werrrrrk

20 01 2011

The following are excerpts from our Shop Quote book. In order to keep anonymity, I will refrain from using names. These are way dirtier without the context of the story, but I believe it is needed.

“I remember Boot Camp, I had to kneel.” Reminiscing about the good-old-days back in Chicago. Pretty sure he was talking about doing urinalysis at the night of arrival to Great Lakes.

“So…Montana is right next to Wisconsin, right?” This was about 5 seconds prior to a re-education of what the midwest is all about…a little geography. Funny story is this girl was taking a Geography class at the time. Things that make you go hmmmm….

“Just like a greased up pig!” No clue what this was in reference too, but it’s creepy. Coming from a guy who’s from Kentucky whose dad is a taxidermist. Weekends consisted of mom slaughtering a pig for dinner out back and daddy gouging the eyes out of animals in order to ‘dermy them. Also, from someone who brought their five-year-old son gator feeshin’. Yup, straight from the horse’s mouth.

Let me preclude this with a little backstory. So there we were, going about a typical day in the shop and a new guy shows up telling us he’s been sent from another building to come train. Not only did we not know who he was, we had no idea we were getting a new analyst. So we get into conversation and a little snooping around and come to find out he was booted from a different shop and sent here because he was a D-bag. Anywho, he would come in and “train” but basically sit at the table and talk all fucking day. ALL DAY. About nothing. Nothing that mattered, and finally someone spoke up and said: “I don’t like banter, work banter I don’t mind. We can talk about work all day. We can talk about work so much I’ll make you so smart your head will explode…” Followed by silence…and then crickets.. Did the trick though.

Male 1: “Yea, we ran the dickens in Boot Camp.” Male 2: ‘Like, Charles Dickens?” M1: “Yeah, ‘Tale of 2 Cities’ is actually about San Diego and Chicago.” Male 3: “Actually, Charles Dickens was a Recruit Division Commander at the time.”             Let’s just say Male #1 went to boot camp when there was a male boot camp (San Diego) and a female boot camp (Chicago)..a lonnnng time ago.

Female 1: “Where is the Great Barrier Reef?” Very High Ranking Senior says from over the cubicle, “In the water.” F1 replies (thinking it was a smart-assy navy guy) : “REALLY? DUMBASS” High Ranking Senior slowly stands up and F1 realizes who it was…Commence jaw drop and blood rush to the face. “Oh shit..”

“I dropped to my knees and said ‘You can choke me, Sir”. In any context this is creepy

Open scene: visiting female analyst (who is married to a minister mind you)  is kneeling in front of her computer diligently working on a report. Male 1: “You know, we have chairs here, several of them.” Fem Analyst: “It’s okay! I like being on my knees.” M1: “Really?” FA: “Yeah (flips blond hair back). Wwwwwait..don’t put that in the quote book.”

“It’s way bigger than I had initially planned. If I wear shorts it sticks out the bottom.” Speaking of her new tattoo =)

…The end.

These are very much so entertaining for the folks who work here or were here for the statement, but I feel like this should be out in the world for all to enjoy.

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