I’m no office bitch

9 01 2011

Well, I might have been one in a previous life, but that does NOT mean it is okay to throw your trash in our trash can and leak shred all over our hallway. Nope, I’m not cleaning it. You can bring your 40-yr-old-holier-than-thou ass back here and do it yourself. How it did show initiative that this man was taking the shred out, which brought a shrug to my shoulders and a raise to my brow, come to find out this joker abandoned it at the end of the hallway. Sure, there are military guys and gals here that can take it out, but the fact of the matter is, this is YOUR trash, and who or what you work for and how high-ranking you are  in the civilian world does not come into play when it comes to the human condition. Man up and take your GD trash out! This, on top of the fact they put A&W, old drinks, etc in our trash can. Either get your own trash can, or take our trash out when it’s full. I’m all about equal opportunity here. Whew, I feel better now. But I’m not touching that bag of shred. It will just sit there and stare at him in the eye when he walks by it. Believe you me.

Now, back to my original post. If I did perchance land in a career as an office director/organizer extraordinaire, it would please me very much. I love to organize, straighten, staple papers, sort papers, order supplies, do the shred (and take out my garbage after), and make copies (preferably with this fine fine specimen to the right). This may have descended down from my family of teachers. It could very well run in the blood. I know my sister has the organizational bug (with a slight twitch of OCD..but we love her for it).]

Okay, so there I was, making copies. I had forgotten that copier machines make double sided copies and I had previously resorted to just printing it twice from the word file.  Print: odds. Print: evens. Jumping up and flip the pages over. Which turns into a cluster, and I know we have alllll done it. However our copy machine is B&W, so if you want it in color, we resort to this method. Documents are more fun when they are in color and we have an unlimited supply of wax color ink..somehow..so we use and abuse. Don’t tell the gov’t pls and ty.

SO, I was at the copier machine, making two double-sided copies of a 19 page document (office biotches, i can see your mouths drooling). I put my numbers in, placed my papers in the tray, and pushed GO! It has been a very long time since I’ve made copies, so I crossed my fingers and hoped for the best. Now, our copier machine is circa 1992-jurasic era, stained with coffee and the like, small, old and decrepid, but she does the trick. If you pet her right. So whilst my copies were being pushed through this obnoxiously loud machine, I began to stare at it, and ponder about the future. What kind of machines will be invented in the future? I bet there will be a way to get copies without even leaving your desk. The thought of faxes and copier machines still amaze me to tell you the truth. After the humming of the copier came to a lull, I reached down to find out that three of my pages stuck together and there were two lines down every piece of paper that shot out of that GD machine. On both sides. After all, I did want 2-sided copies. If it weren’t for that comforting humming sound it made I would have kicked it right then and there. But then you run the risk of someone thinking you are crazy. However, the crazies do get better treatment…more attention, people periodically ask if they are about to commit suicide ask them how they are doing, bring them a snickers every now and then to keep them happy and smiling.

Anyhow, back to my desk I went and printed out odds…got up fliiiped the papers, reinserted….and printed evens. Ugh. My life is beyond exciting.




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